I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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