wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
