Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
