Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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