There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
