Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
