did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
