She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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