hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
