I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
