And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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