I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
