Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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