you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
