yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
