Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
