my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
