You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
