Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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