$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
