dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
