Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
