I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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