remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
