I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
