I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
