Umm I'm too high to move.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
