Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
