Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was born a porn star she said
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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