I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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