I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
