Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
