For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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