DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
