Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
