im drinking this country out of the recession.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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