if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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