Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
