This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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