I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
