i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
