Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
