1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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