I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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