My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
