Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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