hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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