I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
