Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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