No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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