When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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