Whod you bang
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
