that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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